Is Narcissistic or Toxic Abuse Intentional? Yes.

They know what they’re doing. They are aware. People will tell you they don’t or didn’t mean to or that’s just how they are or they don’t treat me that way- must have been a misunderstanding. NO.

The easiest way for you to know that narcissistic or toxic abuse is intentional is that they can switch it on or off depending on who is around. They know what they are doing - but they don’t want every one to know. They deeply care about their image to some people; the people they feel can lift them up financially, socially, or egotistically.

IF you try to tell someone around you about the way a toxic or narcissistic person is treating you and they use one of the following phrases:

Are you sure?

Must have been a miscommunication or misunderstanding.

They are a really nice person. They don’t treat me like that. I have never seen them act like that.

That’s just how they are. They can’t help it.

They aren’t aware of how they are acting. They are not aware of what they’re doing.

Some people defend the narcissistic or toxic person because they haven’t personally been affected by them so they really are just clueless. Other people, either unconciously or consciously, choose to be enablers of abusive people by propping them up and telling them how great and wonderful they are, no matter how toxic they act or react. Sometimes enablers do this because they believe the excuses above and sometimes they do this so they will not become the target of abuse. Enablers are not doing anyone any favors by pretending evil is good instead of harmful.

Enablers may also defend them because believing you may cause them discomfort or cause them to have to change their opinion, actions, job, relationship or some area of their life that they don’t want to change.

Also, narcissistic and toxic people lie about others - so others may genuinely not know if the problem is you or them.

No matter what the reason, YOU know the truth. You know how they act when others aren’t around or only certain others are around. They switch the nice and nasty on and off and can control themselves. It’s purposeful and malicious and even if you are the only one they treat like that - it’s REAL and it’s abuse. If toxic and narcissistic people weren’t aware of their words and actions, they could not switch on and off how they act and what they say, depending on who is around. That is your answer. Yes, it’s intentional. Yes, they could change. Many do not. Some do.

Why do narcissists and toxic people target the best kinds of people? Because they are envious and those people have what the toxic person lacks, healthy emotional energy. They need to feed off of a healthy, loving source. There is real ENERGY in emotions. That’s why they seek to get positive or negative reactions from their supply source. They do hot and cold games - nice sometimes, nasty other times. In this world, we must always recognize that evil will be fighting against good. A toxic person is choosing evil.

They can choose one scapegoat at a time or have several people they treat poorly. They truly enjoy hurting you as it feeds their ego and feeds their energy and gives them a hit of dopamine by feeling superior to you because they were able to control your emotions. This is why we call them emotional vampires. They truly are.

Photo Credit

Whether any one else believes you or not, you must set up hard boundaries and stay away from that person as much as possible. The toxic person may act nice to you and act like they want to try hard to get along - but you must remember that you did nothing wrong in the first place for you not to get along. This is just an attempt to get back in your good graces so they have their scapegoat and emotional supply source back. They will turn on you again. It takes years and years of hard work on their part for a toxic or narcissistic person to change. Not days, Not months. Read about which 3 kinds people narcissists and toxic people like to target; those with high emotional intelligence, high empathy, and steady in love - if they also lack boundaries.

Narcissism and toxicity are on a spectrum and so is evil. There are people low on the spectrum - but these people still are toxic and harmful to their victims. Then there are people who are high on the spectrum. Those high on the spectrum of narcissism are called malignant narcissists. These are the people who we might call con artists, criminals, serial killers, murderers, rapists, kidnappers, thieves, traffickers, pedophiles, predators, opportunists and mooches. Everything is on a spectrum and so is the amount of evil someone lets run their lives. Even a small amount of evil can ruin someone’s life and the lives of those around them. This is nothing to take lightly. Emotional abuse is not a light matter and causes real physical, mental/emotional, and spiritual illnesses.

What do you do if you are the target of a narcissistic or toxic person? Set boundaries. Ignore people who say it’s not intentional. Remain calm and non reactive around the toxic person so you aren’t feeding them with your energy (called greyrocking - being as boring as a grey rock) and stay away from these types of people as much as possible. Counseling is a good start and so is learning about emotional abuse and overt and covert narcissism. I recommend Surviving Narcissism with Dr. Les Carter. They usually target those without good boundaries as well. Dr. Henry Cloud has an entire site dedicated to developing Boundaries. I also recommend his book Boundaries.

Leave toxic and narcissistic people to God to deal with, not you. Psychological decay, no real, lasting friendships or connections, and an internal emptiness and void will be the end result for people who inflict harm on other people and do not repent or heal. Love will always win in the end. Just hold on. Jesus is real, heaven is real and judgement is real. Choose love.

---

A lot of time is put into researching and writing posts, but I want everyone to be able to access the information, whether they can afford to pay or not. Thank you! Coffee is always welcome :)