10 Comments
User's avatar
John Moore's avatar

This article helps me catch myself doing dumb stuff in comments sections. Sometimes I rationalize a harsh response because “the idiot deserves it.” Luckily, I pause and edit before hitting send. Most of the time.

Expand full comment
Gerda Ho's avatar

Sometimes it’s hard not to bite back!

Expand full comment
Margaret Anna Alice's avatar

You nailed it, Tara. I documented my own experience of being sabotaged by a narcissist with histrionic personality disorder and paranoid delusions in this piece:

https://margaretannaalice.substack.com/p/how-to-be-an-upstander

Expand full comment
User's avatar
Comment deleted
Jan 7, 2024
Comment deleted
Expand full comment
Margaret Anna Alice's avatar

Thank you, Tara, and yes, since that experience I have read many eye-opening books, including the following:

• In Sheep’s Clothing

• 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life

• The Narcissist’s Playbook

• The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist

• The Sociopath Next Door

• Don’t You Know Who I Am?

Interesting you should point out victim mentality as a red flag as my saboteur frequently writes about how she has been abused, targeted, and victimized. I felt empathy when I read these stories but later began to question them since pathological lying about victimization for attention is one of the defining characteristics of people with histrionic personality disorder. I hate to be skeptical about genuine abuse she may have experienced, but since she has repeatedly proven herself duplicitous, I can no longer trust anything she says.

Expand full comment
User's avatar
Comment deleted
Jan 7, 2024
Comment deleted
Expand full comment
Margaret Anna Alice's avatar

So very true, Tara! This is part of the crazy-making behavior. They attack you, and when you expose evidence of their actions, they claim you are the one victimizing them! 🙃

Expand full comment
User's avatar
Comment deleted
Jan 7, 2024
Comment deleted
Expand full comment
Margaret Anna Alice's avatar

Well-said, Tara. In a way, I have her to thank for deepening my friendships with those she attempted to poison against me. All of the people I know of whom she whispered to alerted me and have since become close friends as she revealed her true character for what it is.

Expand full comment
Gerda Ho's avatar

Yes, some of these people are not just narcissists, but also verbal psychopaths ( if there is such a term). They get obvious enjoyment from attacking people on the slightest pretense. For example,a slight disagreement on a minor issue will set them into attack mode. They bare their teeth, raise their hackles and lunge out...with great gusto in showing off how very superior they are. They will wallow in calling you stupid, illiterate or a retard... anything to show how they’re oh so much smarter than you! In reality, they are cowards and have inferiority issues, so in attacking someone , they get to feel a bit better about themselves.

Expand full comment
User's avatar
Comment deleted
Jan 7, 2024
Comment deleted
Expand full comment
Gerda Ho's avatar

I was just recently attacked that way because of an innocent remark in which I suggested a bit more compassion for people who are afraid of Covid and are wearing masks. I don’t believe that all mask wearers are pasty faced, lazy and stupid as this person said. Because I defended their right to wear masks , I was called all the names you can think of! And then she persisted in doing so. Obviously she got some enjoyment from it!

Lacking in compassion, and empathy these people are basically lacking in self esteem.

Expand full comment
HatariMama's avatar

Wonderful, simple explanation of the torn relationship between people and people = the torn relationship between person and God.

Expand full comment